So after making that first mistake and not just moving back to the Springs like I should have done and moving in with him, I was in a baseless comfort with the move. I was in a self imposed ether and I made a bad decision, and that decision was exploited further.
for this part of the story, Im first going to describe the early experiences from a factual basis. The second is going to be in direct response to some of the things he's said about me, though not naming me explicitly, though his blog and his FA journals. Mind you I would have normally chosen to post on FA directly but they have that no call out rule, so I'm settling for a link to these two posts, and maybe three depending on how long this one ends up being.
So actually I think I can merge part one and two can largely be merged actually, and a lot of what I talked about in Part 1 was filler information.
So, a little over a year ago I came across a blogspot post that this person had written a little over a year ago now, and actually a few FA journals as well. No I'm not spying or anything of the sort. One of my friends actually linked me to both instances one day, and I actually left it alone for quite a while, but as I said before, I think its time to address these things. There's two sides to every story.
so between the blogspot and FA journals there were a lot of half truths and outright lies so I'm going to address those here:
First one: "usually late on bills". the funny thing about that one? He never communicated, or at least rarely communicated the bill amounts and due dates. Just in the first three months, our comcast bill was never paid because of a glitch in Comcast's system and he let the bill go for three months until they finally threatened to shut down our internet. I had no idea this was going on until he texted me from his parents, whom he had gone to visit in their new house. I had give up my food budget that week and ate off of scraps that I had around the house and samples in the food court at the mall I was working at that week just to make sure that I was semi properly fed. on top of that he would wait until the last moment when the bills were do to give me an amount. You cant tell me that he never knew. I have bills too and I know exactly when they're due because the internet exists and you can look that information up with ease.
He mentions that I was pretty poor. This is true, and still is. I work retail and retail consistently finds ways to not pay you what you're worth. This is why I'm currently trying to get out of retail and find something that pays me what I'm worth. If we as low wage workers were being paid a living wage we wouldn't have that problem. at any rate this is a superlative argument in the noun definition at best. Budgeting and knowing when and how much bills would have been would have done much in allowing me to budget appropriately. As it was, he didn't do that and since I have to eat and pay my phone bill and take public transit, it makes it hart to do that proper budgeting when you don't know what you're budgeting. Yes I did buy some things, but they were largely kitchen needs, and personal needs. In fact at its height, I had sold off my PS2, and my Nintendo Gamecube (which btw was the last remaining tangible memory I had of my friend who had committed suicide) and I ended up with not one but two checking accounts that ended up in near constant overdraft, likely spending anywhere between $500 to $1000 in fees, just to keep up with him. Don't push blame on me for your own incompetence.
He makes an argument about getting rides from him on missing the bus. This is a framed truth, in other words a truth but framed in a way to make him look like he was just imposed on constantly. That couldn't be further from the truth. There were two problems I had with the Denver transit system. On the one hand, the drivers down there love to make up their own schedules. What I mean by that is, if they find themselves ahead of schedule, what they would do is just keep going and be sometimes significantly earlier than what the printed schedule would indicate. So I would leave the apartment earlier than the printed schedule and be walking up to the bus only to find the bus I was trying to catch had already come and gone (which I repeatedly tried to compensate for, many times unsuccessfully) or Id be walking up to the stop early only to see the bus I needed from across the field blowing by 10 minutes early. It was then that I would ask for a ride.
The second problem I had with the mass transit system in Denver was that it stopped running in my area about 9:10 I think it was...but the store closed at 9 and all of the clean up was to be done after close, which typically took a good 20 minutes. on that one I talked to my boss about that and he would have the managers let me go about 10 minutes to close so I could make that bus so that I could get home in a timely manner. The roommate in question at one point told me that if I ever got stuck to just call or text him and he would be willing to pick me up. I would even meet him over at his work and catch a ride home with him from time to time unless he had plans that night, then Id just figure it out. There was one night that I did get stuck about a week after that and I of course texted him because I had legitimately gotten stuck, and instead of just coming to get me he tried to find every avenue and excuse to not come get me like he said he would, and I ended up walking home, 6.5 miles, in the dark, in the cold on a road that had barely a shoulder for most of it where I could have gotten hit and seriously injured. So his claim that I always leaned on him was a half truth. Most times if I wasn't able to catch a ride with him into or from work, I either took the bus or I walked, and towards the end, I mostly walked, because I realized he had no intention on following through with anything he said he was going to do. And a few times, by the way , I filled his tank or gave him half tanks on one ride when typically what I would dofind out what a persons gas mileage is and base any money I give a person based on the gas prices. So his claim that I "always leaned on him for rides" is a half truth at best.
As a side note, I once walked home, 6.5 miles in 30 degree temperatures with nothing but my suit (dress suit not fursuit) because he couldn't follow through on his commitment to pick me up that day. I think originally he was picking me up because we were both going to a party, I just don't remember what kind of party it was.
on top of that he would have overnight guests without asking me, even though we both signed a roommate agreement that, among other things, indicated that we would always ask each other if it was ok, I think he did maybe once...I always made sure I did every time the maybe two times I did. when his brother got his dog he offered to take care of it when he went on a trip, never asked but sure expected me to help clean up after it, and that dog made messes! and then after the lease ended, he had the nerve to not only keep my half of the security deposit, which should have gone toward final bills, he also told his parents that I never paid him for the final utility bills for the apartment, which based on that it gives me reason to suspect that he used that money to go to a con, and instead of communicating what those final bills were, he went to his parents and threw a pity party and made them believe that I simply wasn't paying my final share when the facts are he never approached me to go over what my final share was, which I would have been more than happy to rectify.
I mentioned that I made a second mistake. About 4/5 months into all of this, the friend I had been living with in the Springs knew about all this, mainly because he was and still is one of my closest friends and I had told him about it at the time, well he offered to get me and move all my stuff back down to the springs. The second mistake I made was not accepting that offer. I think a lot of what happened could have been avoided if I had.
Frankly all of this, collectively with a few other experiences Ive had both before and after has left me in a state where, if someone claims they have an interest in me, my first thought isn't "oh hey, that's awesome! lets go out on a few dates and see if it goes anywhere" no...my first thought is "oh hey...there must be something you want that you cant get anywhere else and are likely going to chuck me out the minute you don't need me anymore." and frankly I shouldn't have to feel like that at all.
The reason Ive been so quiet over the last couple of years is because Ive been going though a lot of depression over this. Ive largely overcome that but it hasn't been easy.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Talking About The Past
I think at this point, its appropriate to to talk a bit about my past living experience. Mind you I try not to talk about negative things these days because I know that doing so tends to push people away in the fandom, however, since the other person has chosen to talk about them in a very public way, even two years later, I think its time to talk about my side of things so that people know what's true, whats not and what is a half truth. Mind you this may be at least a two post effort.
The past thing I'm referring too that of my 2014 living arrangement when I was still in Colorado.
So for a little background. I had been living in Colorado Springs with a few really close friends, but my job was drying up and I had found out that my acceptance into Metro College in Denver and decided to work on transferring up there so that I could attend and pursue an education degree, probably majoring in either history or English and minoring in the one I didn't major in. My plan was to either transfer back to my original Circle K store or one that was close by and see about getting an apartment in Englewood, which would have put me on a near direct route to the campus. It might have actually worked too, because the store I was working at in the springs was being shut and torn down, and I kind of wanted to get back to Denver anyway
In the meantime, in going to various meets, I had met a young man, another furry. At the time I developed very strong feelings for this person. Had him down a few times, and was very interested in perusing a relationship, and by all accounts from conversations with him, he was interested in at least giving something a try, which was great.
During all that, he found out and let me know that one of his parents had accepted a job on the east coast and that because of his living situation, IE: he lived with his parents, there was a very good possibility that he was going to have to move with them if he could not find a roommate or two to go into an apartment with him.
Remember I was basically head over heels for him by that point, and I didn't want to see that happen. I mean long distance relationships largely don't work, and I wanted a real shot with him. So I offered to be that roommate if he couldn't find anyone else, and due to the flaky manner of his other friends he was looking at, that's exactly what happened. So he did the footwork of finding the apartment, and I approved it. it wasn't much mind you but for $800 a month in the general Denver area, it sufficed, which was fine by me because I typically am a simple man. So, after I finished up with the Circle K job, I made the move, stayed with his parents and him while we formed up the loose ends and moved into our new apartment somewhere around Febuary 15, 2013.
Now bear this in mind: prior to me moving up, I received a Christmas card from him inviting me on a date upon me moving up, a card which I still have by the way, and no I'm not getting rid of it. It serves as a reminder as to what to be weary of in pursuing a romantic interest.
So after I moved, I was pretty damn excited. Back in Denver, developing relationship with someone I had started to really care about, working my ass off trying to find other work since transferring to a local Circle K was not something that worked out...found at least a little something prior to taking on the apartment...and then FC happened.
Mind you, I did not go to FC that year. I don't believe In going to cons immediately after or during a move. I also didn't quite have a job nailed down that would have allowed me to go to begin with. So I opted out and focused on trying to find work instead, which was a good thing because although it wasnt great, I did find a job that eventually led to my Jos. A. Bank job I had in the same mall. It went from Teavana, to GreenteaHP to Jos. A. Bank , which that final one I was very happy with.
On his return we went to a bar meet held in Denver on a bi-monthly basis called "Foxtrot". when we returned to his home, he announced that he was all of a sudden no longer interested in pursuing anything with me romantically because we were roommating and if something happened that ended it it would be "awkward and Ive been in that position before". Apparently moving someone from half a state away under the premise that a relationship might be formed and then essentially dumping the idea after moving them doesn't also fall under the category of "awkward"
And there, ladies and gentlemen, is where my first mistake was made. On seeing that he had abandoned the idea of actively dating, what I should have done is had him return me and my stuff back to the springs and gone from there. My mistake is I didn't do that. I had blinded myself with the idea that I could win him over in the course of living together on the roommate level. That was very foolish on my part, and I will not make that mistake again.
Im going to do a second blog on this because this is a lot to process already.
The past thing I'm referring too that of my 2014 living arrangement when I was still in Colorado.
So for a little background. I had been living in Colorado Springs with a few really close friends, but my job was drying up and I had found out that my acceptance into Metro College in Denver and decided to work on transferring up there so that I could attend and pursue an education degree, probably majoring in either history or English and minoring in the one I didn't major in. My plan was to either transfer back to my original Circle K store or one that was close by and see about getting an apartment in Englewood, which would have put me on a near direct route to the campus. It might have actually worked too, because the store I was working at in the springs was being shut and torn down, and I kind of wanted to get back to Denver anyway
In the meantime, in going to various meets, I had met a young man, another furry. At the time I developed very strong feelings for this person. Had him down a few times, and was very interested in perusing a relationship, and by all accounts from conversations with him, he was interested in at least giving something a try, which was great.
During all that, he found out and let me know that one of his parents had accepted a job on the east coast and that because of his living situation, IE: he lived with his parents, there was a very good possibility that he was going to have to move with them if he could not find a roommate or two to go into an apartment with him.
Remember I was basically head over heels for him by that point, and I didn't want to see that happen. I mean long distance relationships largely don't work, and I wanted a real shot with him. So I offered to be that roommate if he couldn't find anyone else, and due to the flaky manner of his other friends he was looking at, that's exactly what happened. So he did the footwork of finding the apartment, and I approved it. it wasn't much mind you but for $800 a month in the general Denver area, it sufficed, which was fine by me because I typically am a simple man. So, after I finished up with the Circle K job, I made the move, stayed with his parents and him while we formed up the loose ends and moved into our new apartment somewhere around Febuary 15, 2013.
Now bear this in mind: prior to me moving up, I received a Christmas card from him inviting me on a date upon me moving up, a card which I still have by the way, and no I'm not getting rid of it. It serves as a reminder as to what to be weary of in pursuing a romantic interest.
So after I moved, I was pretty damn excited. Back in Denver, developing relationship with someone I had started to really care about, working my ass off trying to find other work since transferring to a local Circle K was not something that worked out...found at least a little something prior to taking on the apartment...and then FC happened.
Mind you, I did not go to FC that year. I don't believe In going to cons immediately after or during a move. I also didn't quite have a job nailed down that would have allowed me to go to begin with. So I opted out and focused on trying to find work instead, which was a good thing because although it wasnt great, I did find a job that eventually led to my Jos. A. Bank job I had in the same mall. It went from Teavana, to GreenteaHP to Jos. A. Bank , which that final one I was very happy with.
On his return we went to a bar meet held in Denver on a bi-monthly basis called "Foxtrot". when we returned to his home, he announced that he was all of a sudden no longer interested in pursuing anything with me romantically because we were roommating and if something happened that ended it it would be "awkward and Ive been in that position before". Apparently moving someone from half a state away under the premise that a relationship might be formed and then essentially dumping the idea after moving them doesn't also fall under the category of "awkward"
And there, ladies and gentlemen, is where my first mistake was made. On seeing that he had abandoned the idea of actively dating, what I should have done is had him return me and my stuff back to the springs and gone from there. My mistake is I didn't do that. I had blinded myself with the idea that I could win him over in the course of living together on the roommate level. That was very foolish on my part, and I will not make that mistake again.
Im going to do a second blog on this because this is a lot to process already.
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